Hard

With this illness you can never really tell "when" you are better. Every time it feels OK to eat something you end up in bed all day because of terrible nausea or reflux. I feel like I can't trust my stomach anymore. I have been extra careful not to eat a lot once the initial nausea is gone... that was 3 days ago. It worked for half a day, then stomach pains appeared again. So I stop eating, and it's this horrible vicious circle where you are literally starving for food, but every time you give in and have one bite of something you end up curled up in bed, waiting for the pain to be over... before waking up again, several hours later... starving.

This week has been weird. I should have been jumping from joy as I got my periods. Needless to say that doing chemo perturbs your whole system and that I had a big chance of losing my fertility forever (being 30 and all). Nevertheless, the pain I am going through plus period pains (enhanced by chemo it appears) isn't really welcome. I'm happy everything still works and that, maybe one day, I'll be able to have my kids... but there's so much you can go through at once.

I thought today was the last day of my troubles, and that I could go out and walk a bit. I haven't walked outside for a whole week... Seems it'll be tomorrow, hopefully, together with a much more positive post.