Last but not least

On my calendar I marked yesterday as "worst day EVER". I literally spent the whole day in bed, only leaving it to go to the loo and to try to eat. Eating is such an ordeal it brought me to tears. I don't know if it feels worse than ever because it is the last chemo, but it sure isn't fun. The muscle pain definitely seems a bit more intense.

Today I'm supposed to do another laser on my tongue, but I feel too weak. It will be the first time I miss a consultation at the hospital. I just don't feel like leaving the warmth of my bed to spend half an hour in traffic and then come back to my parents'. I wish I could go back to my place, but even that requires a bit of independence. Before that I need to by some groceries, be able to cook for myself without falling asleep... and I don't feel like I can.

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel depressed since my last talk with Dr. D. Surgery, radiotherapy, more staying home, more being useless,... all that isn't good for the morale. And it's not good for the "healing". I need a couple more days to get used to the whole thing. My friends want to see me today. Just to spend the day together. But I know it's all gonna be about kids and food and small talk which I'm not interested in. It could either make me more depressed OR make me forget about things for a while. I'm not decided yet.

This bed feels nice and warm...