Today the reality of all the past events seem to hit me in the face. I feel extremely tired and "internally" depressed, cause I don't want to show anyone how I feel... for now.
We went to see my uncle today. He lives in the south near Tirlemont and promised us a BBQ. And he kept his promise even though it rained cats and dogs! It was nice and there was a lot of food and everyone was having fun. I did my best to keep smiling. We didn't discuss anything but the quiet "how are you feeling?" said it all.
The thing is, normally I shouldn't feel a thing. But since I've done that tru-cut thing, where they cut me open and took a few samples of the tumour, I feel this intense pain. It doesn't seem to go away. And my breast feels sore and boiling hot. I hope there's nothing wrong... but because of that, it's as if I'm reminded of my "troubles" continually!
Driving back home I felt this immense sadness coming over me, which I still feel right now. If only there was a way to switch a button in your head and delete every single negative thought!
As soon as I got home, I checked the internet for testimonies of people who underwent chemo. I found a french discussion board with loads of supportive messages, but also completely honest stories of those people's experiences. I feel boosted and helpless all at the same time. Boy, do I hate self pity.
Oh you poor thing Sali :( It's horrible being in pain, but like a toothache, you can ease it by taking some painkillers. I'm surprised the doctor didn't suggest it, as any procedure which involve cuts will always have pain following!! Look how much a simple paper cut hurts :0 Lots of hugs from me in London xx
RépondreSupprimerEt la dis, une fois! tu ne vas pas te sentir coupable de pas toujours avoir le moral! Franchement Sali, tu as ete tres courageuse et c'est normal qu'a certains moments tu vois les choses un peu plus tristement. J'espere que tu ne passes pas en boucle toutes tes chansons qui donnent le spleen (meme si elles sont toujours tres belles;) Et comme le dit si bien Mary, tu peux prendre des antidouleurs, il ne faut pas souffrir pour rien et en plus comme tu le dis, la douleur te fait toujours penser a ca,alors octroie-toi des moments de pause. De simples daphalgans codeine devraient deja te soulager un peu. Par contre telephone peut-etre au medecin demain pour demander si c'est normal, et surtout avant la chimio. Courage ma puce. Je t'embrasse fort Dani
RépondreSupprimerHi Salima, sorry to butt in on your blog like this but I thought you might consider homeopathy to help you through chemo - I heard Ipec is good against nausea (or find a homeopath who can give you proper advice!). OK, I'll butt back out again! We miss you! You're great! Gen
RépondreSupprimerLaisse parler ton coeur Sali, c'est peut-être le meilleur moyen de te débarrasser des idées noires. Nous sommes tous et toutes avec toi . je t'embrasse très fort.
RépondreSupprimerIl est vrai qu'um médecin homéopathe pourrait t'aider en parallele avec la chimio.